Do you ever feel anxious about a relationship?
Do you start looking for signs that things just aren’t right? Or are your suspicions about problems that do not exist — ruining a relationship? Self torture can be described as “making something up and then believing it.Hmm, does that sound familiar?
Sometimes anxiety about a relationship is warranted such as a cheating and untrustworthy husband or wife.
Sometimes though, this insecurity started in childhood and as early as infancy. Some infants feel their parents are not always available no matter how loud they cry. Toddlers sense that their parents or caregivers have other things on their minds and the child feels deserted. This results in the child developing a sense of unworthiness and a need for others to pay attention to him or her. The child grows up believing they need to earn support and attention. Deep down they may feel unloved and can only earn attention by what they can do for other people.
This negative belief affects all of their relationships as they go through life.
Mark Chernoff wrote in his blog, “Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationship” the following list:
- Stop trying to read minds……….don’t assume you know exactly what the other person is saying or thinking.
- Stop looking for perfect relationships……no one is perfect (including us) so how can we have a perfect relationship from two imperfects?
- Stop judging current relationships based on past ones…….stop comparing , think of the positive aspects of the new relationship.
- Stop inventing problems where they don’t exist……..” distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening in your life……”
- Stop focusing on the negatives………insecure people constantly look for negatives in their life. Instead look and appreciate the positive things.
If you find yourself unable to feel comfortable in your relationships with others it may be time to seek someone to talk to. The list and types of therapists is very long. Give me a call, and if I can’t help you I will refer you to someone who can.
Ruth Carr RN MA CH is located at Behavior Options Hypnosis 203-915-0480.
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